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So I should preface this story by pointing out that The Bloggess is my hero (along with Mad King Ludwig who built a castle that no one was allowed to visit) so for months I’ve been planning to do my own Red Dress photoshoot with my friend Lynda who needs it just as much as I do. I wanted us each to wear a beautiful, elegant red ballgown, running barefoot in the sand.

And then I found a dress that wasn’t quite the elegant gown I had in mind. It was crazy and weird and reminded me of that punked-up curtain that Alice wears in the Red Queen’s court in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. I’d already ordered the beautiful ballgown but because I love Alice, and because I loved the dress, and because I’m a brat, I ordered the second dress as well.

The right dress

And so we cut to last week, when my dress arrived in the mail. Super excited me couldn’t wait to unwrap it.

But it was the wrong dress.

The wrong dress

And I was devastated.  So, as I do, I immediately emailed Lynda to tell her all the minutiae of my life:

“My second red dress arrived today… and it isn’t red. I know they always say that you should expect some difference between the picture and the finished product. But the item description and the item photo clearly said red and black. And my dress is clearly peach.

I’m so upset. And also worried that they won’t send me the right dress. Or that they’ll make me pay the return postage to send the wrong one back to them. Or they’ll hate me forever for causing a fuss. “Wear your peach dress and like it, you harlot!”

And I feel really bad for complaining because the workers will probably lose their wages for a month for making a mistake and they’ll show some small print in my ebay auction that I didn’t notice that said in the absence of any red material being available at their warehouse I agreed to accept whatever colour dress they sent me. Or maybe I asked for peach, because the word “red” in some other language actually signifies a not-quite-pink not-quite-orange colour.

Oh God, maybe they’ll feel so dishonoured by my refusal to accept their dress that the person in the despatch department will be expected to kill themselves?!”

But fortunately for me, the sellers were fantastic and they didn’t call me a harlot or anything. They apologised for the mistake and promised to send me the right dress and they didn’t even want the wrong one back again. Then I felt bad because it really is a gorgeous dress but they insisted.

So I did what anyone would do: I decided to give it away. After all, just because I don’t like the colour doesn’t mean that no one else will, right? I want to offer to send it Travelling to other people who might enjoy it. So I called my friend Bri at Quote Photography and arranged for a super quick photoshoot in The Wrong Dress so I could show it off to potential new owners, even though the dress isn’t my colour and I knew it was going to look terrible and would probably regret showing photographs of myself in this dress to anyone.

On the bright side Bri made me laugh a lot, and didn’t mind too much when (against my better judgement) I insisted on pretending to be James Dean and Marilyn Monroe or even that I refused to wear a tiara but wanted to keep my motorcycle boots on. It was the most fun I’ve ever had in pink.

… And the photos were awesome.

Who would have thought?

Anyone in Australia want a pink dress?