The other night we parked right in front of a Krispy Kreme store. I never did understand what was so popular about that place. When the first one opened in Penrith who knows how many years ago,  people used to drive for 2 hours just to go there. When I was studying writing at uni, one of the journalism students actually went all the way out there and waited in line for forty-five minutes just to write about the experience – and then! people actually read the article like it was a topic of real interest! Seriously. Wtf?

A Krispy Kreme glazed donut.

You waited HOW LONG to buy a sugar coated lump of sugar?

Then other people who were impressed with the story of how she waited in line forever just to get an inedible donut, also went out to Penrith just to buy a dozen (“would you like another dozen donuts with that?”) sickly sweet donuts that taste like sugar and air. It’s like eating fairy floss, but less nutritious. That’s my rant. Sorry Krispy Kreme donut people, you can’t win over everyone.

I feel a bit bad because as I write this, there’s a tiny box at the bottom of the screen showing recommended links and it is suggesting I should add Krispy Kreme donuts as a promoted business. I’m sorry Krispy Kreme people, I’m not saying anything nice about your products. But I do realise that my rant may have the effect of causing people to go “mmm donuts” and maybe go out and buy some, so perhaps I really am promoting their business, even though I hate them, so probably they should pay me for this advertising space. Anytime, Krispy Kreme, anytime.

Brad has known me for many years. Long enough to know how much I dislike Krispy Kreme, because I probably give him the same spiel every time we pass one of those stores. Which is a lot. Because they seem to be multiplying. People actually like the place so much they can support more stores. It just isn’t right. Oh wait – I mean, yay Krispy Kreme, you opened another 53 stores in Australia, let’s celebrate by paying Queen Gen to say nice things about you (in case she ever thinks of any).

(On yet another side note, I just checked out Wikipedia as my reliable source of information on everything I can’t be bothered researching, and they said that so maybe there is some hope for the donut situation in this country after all. Unfortunately, then they got better and didn’t have to close all their stores after all so I guess that hope is gone … I feel like it’s been such a rollercoaster ride, Krispy Kreme. You continue to disappoint me in the end.)

Anyway, with this blatant hatred in mind, I like to believe that Brad was only joking when he said “You want donuts for dinner?” It seems likely he was joking really, because he was sort of grinning and sticking his tongue out the way he likes to do when he’s about to say something really annoying. Then he cut me off before I could subject him to that whole freaking rant again (Wikipedia citations and all) and added, “I hear they have good milkshakes.”

Because that’s what a donut shop ought to get right. Actually, that sounded sarcastic but come to think of it, that’s important to me. They SHOULD make good milkshakes. But they don’t. Well, maybe that isn’t true. Maybe they make perfectly adequate milkshakes – but you can’t drink them because they use paper straws.

It’s the most disappointing thing of all. Stupid paper straws that go soggy before you can finish your milkshake. Whose idea was that?! No wonder they almost went broke. I bet that’s why.

Well here’s my advice, Krispy Kreme. Follow the lead of just about every other fast food chain and invest in plastic straws. I won’t even charge you for that one. But I will accept my advertising fee in either shoes or ponies. I like ponies. They are laughably small.