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Conversation with my brother, who due to a severe, crippling communication disorder failed to mention to anyone that he is planning to go on holiday.

Me: So you’re going away?

Him: Yep.

Me: Wanna tell me where you’re going?

Him: Ho Chi Minh City.

Me: That’s exciting! When?

Him: Just about to board.

Me: Oh! Well … have a good time!

Him: The plane looks reasonable. There’s a hole in the side of it, though.

My brother has been known to interpret things differently from other people

Me: Good luck with that plane. I hope they patch it up before you go.

Him: The ground crew are chewing gum as we speak. A few thousand packets of artificial flavours, soft rubber and a heap of spit and the plane will be brand new.

Me: That’s a relief.