It’s about time I explained my very long absence from writing. I assure you, it isn’t because I got sick of it. I just got sick. For weeks I struggled with an unbearable vertigo that made it impossible to use my computer without my head reeling. Even text messages got to me. So of course the only reasonable response is to quit checking emails, answering my phone or writing stories. It’s like being a hermit except that I still had to go to work and people kept wanting to talk to me and expecting me to respond to emails, answer the phone and write stuff. It’s like fucking slavery. Doesn’t my opinion matter here? Apparently, if I want to get paid, it does not.

Anyway, I digress. Pero estoy divigando. I learned that phrase in my Spanish classes. Well, actually, I had to learn it myself because they didn’t teach it to us in class. But I felt the things we were learning – I’m from Australia, I”m vegetarian, do you like the beach, el pez esta muerto? – didn’t really make a very good monologue so when it was my turn to show off my poorly-learned language skills, I used a few additional phrases of my own, to explain the apparent inability to focus on a single train of thought. I was like King Lear, only less crazy, less interesting, and speaking Spanish. The phrase has come in handy many times since. I even learned to say it in English, in case I needed to be bilingual with it.

Pero estoy …. I’m fairly certain I started out with a real point in mind. Oh wait – yes – I recall. The vertigo is finally gone. It went away with the morning sickness. Also I had morning sickness, but usually in the evening because babies can’t tell the time. Also I’m having a baby. I mean, right now it’s just a blobby little alien thing that drains all my energy and controls when I can and cannot sleep and won’t let me eat anything much, but I’m told it will eventually be a baby.

And that’s why I’ve been a useless blogger/ communicator/ friend/ worker/ everything that doesn’t involve just lying around being a host to a weird little lifeform, for the past three and a half months. People say I will get better now but I fear they’re just messing with me. At any rate, the promise that I can eat all the ice cream that I want has turned out to be a complete lie so I’m not sure I can trust anything anymore.

Also, what baby doesn’t like ice cream?

And DO you like the beach?