The thing that everyone hates most is traffic. And maybe finding a receipt that someone left at the ATM and learning that they have *way* more money than you. But traffic is definitely up there, especially when it’s S L O W. You get trapped behind that guy who rudely pushed in at the last corner, and he keeps sort of jumping forward in little false starts and getting your hopes up for nothing. You get really familiar with that guy and his stupid red car and you start to hate him.
Brad: Why put Jesus on your car?
Gen: What have you got against Jesus?
Brad: He’s on that car.
Gen: (looking at the rather shocking picture of a tortured bearded face on the back of the red car) I see him but I think you’re asking the wrong question. Why put a bumper sticker on your car at all?
Brad: But why Jesus? That car isn’t Jesus. What’s the point?
Gen: What’s the point of putting Transformers on your car?
Brad: Transformers are cool. They’re robots in disguise. That makes sense.
Gen: That car isn’t a Transformer.
Brad: But that Jesus looks miserable.
Gen: In the rest of that picture that we can’t see he’s dying on a cross, you’d look sad too. I don’t understand why people always celebrate his death. People die all the time. That really wasn’t the miraculous part. Shouldn’t we show him coming back to life again?
Brad: It should be an awesome Jesus – like if he showed him with rainbows coming out his eyes, and lasers shooting from his fingers. That would be good on a bumper sticker.
Gen: Rainbows. From his eyes. wtf? What kind of superpower is that? What would he use it for?
(Gen imitates rainbow eyes, which really just involves making cones with my fingers and miming them radiating outward from my eyes – give me a break, I’m no good at Charades and I haven’t got rainbow eyes either)
Brad: You have to admit, the lasers are cool.
Gen: Sure, but RAINBOWS? Who are you?
then, because I like to undermine my own arguments all the time
Gen: I suppose maybe you could shape the rainbows, sort of like a hologram. Then you could show people what you’re thinking. That’s a good power.
Brad: No. No, it isn’t. No one wants to know what you’re thinking.
And then he kicked me out of his car and made me walk the rest of the train station. But even though that’s clearly mean to do, I don’t mind because at least I wasn’t stuck in traffic behind scary Jesus anymore.